that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
