you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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