I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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