mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
