He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
