My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
