it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
