Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
