I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
time to smoke my breakfast
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
