Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
