Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
