He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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