I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
