i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
