Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Alive.
So much puke
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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