moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
