So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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