dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think people are normalizing furries
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
