there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
