I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Couch. On fire.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
