i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
