tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
