I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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