I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The air taste purple.
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