I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
