sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
