Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
