Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
