she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
