we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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