I wanna bring you to show and tell
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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