i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
