Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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