Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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