My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
