Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
