I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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