Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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