it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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