If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
