True but thats because hes a fetus.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
