community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
