Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
