I accidentally had phone sex last night
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
