I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
