Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
