dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
