I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
