They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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