you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
