He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
