i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
