So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
