how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
