Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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