I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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