I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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