I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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