Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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