A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
