i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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